If, like me, you grew up reading Roy of the Rovers, you will probably use this as a central reference for to how to run a football club. And so, you’ll particularly be enjoying Oxford’s current tour of New England.
Melchester’s Law states that tours are what clubs do during the summer. There will be no commercial agenda, it’s not even in preparation for the new season, it’s just good wholesome sporting fun; an old fashioned works daytrip that lasts for 3 months.
It will be in a far off place, and will typically be announced to the team at 24 hours notice in the dressing room at Wembley following an epic FA Cup Final win. The players will have no family commitments and will be ready to jet off without question:
Roy: “Lads, tomorrow we’re off on tour... to AMERICA!”
The rest of the team: “YEEEHAAAW!”
Apart from some of the more obtuse plot devices, designed to simplify the central narrative or stretch it across the entire close-season, our trip to the East Coast has a classic old school Melchester-style feel about it.
The players are off on a footballing holiday together, they’ll play a couple of games, they’ll pick up a hot prospect who is both a world beater and never previously been discovered (hopefully, he will have an angry dad who only wants him to play baseball). My only hope now is that there is some hilarious mix-up and they turn up to one of the games only to find the opposition decked out in gridiron helmets and shoulder pads.